“A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” Isaiah 53:3a (NASB)
We all have or will experience grief in some way in our lives. Our “journeys of life” include this as well as times of joy and delight. We have entered a holiday season, everywhere you look there are lights, music, and anticipation for Christmas. For some, that anticipation is one of delight: getting together with friends or family, sharing gifts and food, and the joy of being together. But for others, not so much. Losses of various kinds, illness of body or soul, and loneliness all seem worse when ‘everyone’ else seems so happy.
Although it isn’t a fun topic to ponder, I felt strongly led to include this entry at this time as my family is going through a difficult time of grief. I wanted to dig deeper into what others (more knowledgeable than myself) have learned about this experience*. It is my prayer that those who read this, who are also experiencing pain and grief will realize “they are not alone”. There is One who is there with them, One who is acquainted with grief! We sometimes need reminders of the promises we have in God, through His Word, promises that can truly bring the joy and ‘life’ bring back into our hearts and souls. Understanding what we are experiencing, and being able to talk through those things with a trusted friend or counselor, helps us in this process; as we take it all to the Lord.
(* Some of the books I have used: (Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth On Grief and Grieving (Scribner 2005)
Lewis, C.S. A Grief Observed (N.W. Clark (US edition) 1961)
I found it helpful to identify what I call the “Deadly D’s” which cause us grief and sorrow.
Part 1: The Deadly “D’s”
--Denial, Disbelief : ”What?” “How is this possible?”, “What is happening?” Perhaps these are
thoughts we may have when the painful situation is first made known/happens to us.
--Disappointment : When something we expect doesn’t happen, we feel this. Proverbs 13:12a
reads, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
--Distress: The definition-- pain or suffering affecting the body, a bodily part, or the mind.
(Webster) We can feel this distress emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
--Depression: The definition-- a mood disorder that is marked by varying degrees of sadness,
despair, and loneliness and that is typically accompanied by inactivity, guilt, loss
of concentration, social withdrawal, sleep disturbances, and sometimes suicidal
tendencies (Webster) This is a time when there isn’t the emotional or physical energy to do
anything. Often, it is a time when previous habits kick into “auto pilot”. If the habits are
healthy, that is good; but sometimes it pushes us back into behaviors we were trying to end.
--Despair: The definition-- utter loss of hope (Webster) I see this as the place that the other
emotions develop into, if not addressed and resolved. It can be a dangerous emotion if it
leads the person to harm themselves or others.
These words may be used to describe a range of these different emotions. A person may experience all, or just some of them, and they are not necessarily in this order. But, sometimes we don’t let ourselves acknowledge or validate the reality of these in our lives. We may need to “put on a happy face” or mask our true feelings for various reasons. It isn’t healthy to “dump” our emotions on just any or everyone, but it is important to find a trusted, wise friend or counselor to process these feelings. Only by dealing with them, in a true, Biblical perspective can we ‘move on’, and find healing.
Part 2: The Life-Giving “D’s”
--Decision: “Choose this day whom you will serve…” Joshua 24:15
We are regularly needing to choose between different options. Some are small
or incidental decisions, others are major (even life changing) ones. Praying for
“God’s will be done” is an important principle to live by.
--Dogged Determination: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the
proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Gal. 6:9
--Delight of Dreams Fulfilled: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the
desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4
God is not a vending machine, where we can just punch a button and receive the
desired contents. He knows what is best for us. By “delighting” in Him, we are
putting our trust in Him, and asking “Your will, not mine, be done!” But, He also
knows us and our needs/desires, and will give us what truly is the highest good for us!
Here is a link to a wonderful story, showing how God knows how to make all things beautiful.
https://pixabay.com/photos/grief-candle-death-notice-to-die-3066701/
Dear Jesus, In this holiday season, help us to truly focus on YOU! We are so thankful that as our Creator, You know our hearts and all we think and feel. You were “that man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” In the times when our hearts are filled with sorrow, may Your presence and comfort fill our hearts. May we truly know and experience how Your joy can be our strength. Joy in knowing You are in control, and can work all things together for good, for those who love You. May Your will be done, and it is in Your name we pray. Amen.
